Weekend Read:
A personal journal entry, October 21, 1998: For Drew (February 22, 1962 - October 6, 1998:)
I have suddenly lost a son,
October 6, our third son, Drew was taken from us in a fatal car accident. He fell asleep at the wheel of his van as he
was returning to his home in Cremona Alberta. He had been visiting with a client and about midnight, he left for home.
About 1:00AM, he fell asleep and missed a crucial curve in the highway. The RCMP didn’t find his body until 5:00AM.
Our family is still reeling
from this, but there is a deep peace as well.
Drew has two beautiful
children who will miss his games, hugs, love, weekend fun and kisses and so
much more that they enjoyed doing together.
They are young and that is a blessing.
My prayer is that Terri (Mother) and Ken (significant other) will be a
loving couple and provide the laughter and love and discipline in their young
and impressionable lives.
As a mother, I can’t describe
the deep hurt of this terrible loss, and yet, God gives me peace in the midst
of this storm! I have been able to
withstand even though this is a hurt like I have never experienced
before......It is indescribable!
My dearest, youngest son, my
love for you is very special. You held a
place in my heart that no one else can possibly fill and now that you are gone,
the place in my heart that was yours is very empty. I had room for your hurts and laughter and
long chats on the phone and the “cute” little “deeds” that only you could perform,
like putting the broom in front of the door when you came to visit and we
weren’t home. There are so many memories
and I am thankful for each one of them but the hugs and the phone calls are
gone. I shall miss you more than words
can say. You were a unique individual
and I was very proud of you, for many reasons.
You were a wonderful Father, your children always came first in your
life and you were always loving and affectionate.
Oh, my son, you were not
perfect, none of us are but you were trying so hard to be a better person. Some of your efforts were evident, like the
anger management classes that you attended and donating your talents and time
to Habitat for Humanity. Not long ago
you took me out to dinner to Chianti’s.
We had a wonderful visit, as we often did.
What can I do with this hurt?
I know in time it will become easier but that emptiness will always be there.
A treasured memory is my
retirement party, you wrote a silly song on a napkin in tribute to me and even
though there were hundreds of people there, you asked if you could get up and
sing it into the ‘mike’. I pretended to
be embarrassed but I was really very proud of you for doing that.
I have a beautiful brooch
that you gave me one Christmas. I wear
it a lot and love it even more now. It
is a precious gift and keepsake from you.
You had so many wonderful
qualities that I shall miss - but, my son, you also experienced extreme
emotions and when I think about the hurts you were experiencing in your life, I
am thankful that you never have to suffer hurtful emotions ever again. When you loved, you loved with all your heart
and soul and mind and when you hurt, you hurt with such a very real and deep
hurt. I take comfort in the fact that
you will never be hurt again, emotionally, and physically or any other
way.
I know it hurt you because Dad and I were not a bigger part of your
children’s lives, I have no excuse except we did not know how we could be more
than we were. For so many years, your
life was far removed from us because you were such a free spirit! When it was time to “reign in” we didn’t know
how close you really wanted us to come. You were an idealist and I know we
didn’t measure up to your ideal standards.
We are not perfect either and I know you didn’t let that disappointment
come between your love for us and for that I am truly thankful. So many times,
you expressed your love for your Dad and myself. You were a wonderful son and your absence
will never be understood.
I take great comfort in
knowing you gave your heart to Jesus and I have no doubts that one day we shall
sit together and I’ll be able to hear you say, “I love you , Mom.” This is a
great comfort and I am so thankful for the promises God makes to us in His
word.
And so my sensitive, loving
son, until that glorious day, I know your spirit has truly found freedom to
soar. I know you are in the presence of
‘perfect’ love where there are no tears or hurts and I am deeply happy for
you. I will continue to trust God for the
well being of your children; that they will grow in the knowledge that God loves
them and is with them even though you can’t be. So good-bye for a little while,
Love, Mom.