Letter to my son,Drew!

Weekend Read:

A personal journal entry, October 21, 1998:  For Drew (February 22, 1962 - October 6, 1998:)

I have suddenly lost a son, October 6, our third son, Drew was taken from us in a fatal car accident.  He fell asleep at the wheel of his van as he was returning to his home in Cremona Alberta. He had been visiting with a client and about midnight, he left for home.  About 1:00AM, he fell asleep and missed a crucial curve in the highway.  The RCMP didn’t  find his body until 5:00AM.

Our family is still reeling from this, but there is a deep peace as well.

 

Drew has two beautiful children who will miss his games, hugs, love, weekend fun and kisses and so much more that they enjoyed doing together.  They are young and that is a blessing.  My prayer is that Terri (Mother) and Ken (significant other) will be a loving couple and provide the laughter and love and discipline in their young and impressionable lives.

As a mother, I can’t describe the deep hurt of this terrible loss, and yet, God gives me peace in the midst of this storm!  I have been able to withstand even though this is a hurt like I have never experienced before......It is indescribable!

My dearest, youngest son, my love for you is very special.  You held a place in my heart that no one else can possibly fill and now that you are gone, the place in my heart that was yours is very empty.  I had room for your hurts and laughter and long chats on the phone and the “cute” little “deeds” that only you could perform, like putting the broom in front of the door when you came to visit and we weren’t home.  There are so many memories and I am thankful for each one of them but the hugs and the phone calls are gone.  I shall miss you more than words can say.  You were a unique individual and I was very proud of you, for many reasons.  You were a wonderful Father, your children always came first in your life and you were always loving and affectionate.

Oh, my son, you were not perfect, none of us are but you were trying so hard to be a better person.  Some of your efforts were evident, like the anger management classes that you attended and donating your talents and time to Habitat for Humanity.  Not long ago you took me out to dinner to Chianti’s.  We had a wonderful visit, as we often did.

What can I do with this hurt? I know in time it will become easier but that emptiness will always be there.

A treasured memory is my retirement party, you wrote a silly song on a napkin in tribute to me and even though there were hundreds of people there, you asked if you could get up and sing it into the ‘mike’.  I pretended to be embarrassed but I was really very proud of you for doing that.

I have a beautiful brooch that you gave me one Christmas.  I wear it a lot and love it even more now.  It is a precious gift and keepsake from you.

You had so many wonderful qualities that I shall miss - but, my son, you also experienced extreme emotions and when I think about the hurts you were experiencing in your life, I am thankful that you never have to suffer hurtful emotions ever again.  When you loved, you loved with all your heart and soul and mind and when you hurt, you hurt with such a very real and deep hurt.  I take comfort in the fact that you will never be hurt again, emotionally, and physically or any other way. 

I know it hurt you because  Dad and I were not a bigger part of your children’s lives, I have no excuse except we did not know how we could be more than we were.  For so many years, your life was far removed from us because you were such a free spirit!  When it was time to “reign in” we didn’t know how close you really wanted us to come. You were an idealist and I know we didn’t measure up to your ideal standards.  We are not perfect either and I know you didn’t let that disappointment come between your love for us and for that I am truly thankful. So many times, you expressed your love for your Dad and myself.  You were a wonderful son and your absence will never be understood.

I take great comfort in knowing you gave your heart to Jesus and I have no doubts that one day we shall sit together and I’ll be able to hear you say, “I love you , Mom.” This is a great comfort and I am so thankful for the promises God makes to us in His word.

And so my sensitive, loving son, until that glorious day, I know your spirit has truly found freedom to soar.  I know you are in the presence of ‘perfect’ love where there are no tears or hurts and I am deeply happy for you.  I will continue to trust God for the well being of your children; that they will grow in the knowledge that God loves them and is with them even though you can’t be. So good-bye for a little while, Love, Mom.